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Ban Ice from hockey

October 3, 2013

Though the following report is fictitious, I just had to “report” it as a fan of true NHL hockey!

After watching the horrifying head injury experienced by Montreal Canadians forward George Parros after his head crashed to the ice on opening night of the 2013-14 NHL hockey season, league officials met quickly on Wednesday morning to discuss how to prevent the situation from happening again and a tragedy happening.

“I’ve been saying for years that fighting has no place in the NHL. It is only a matter of time before someone dies because of fighting. We don’t want to be a place of death and violence because that is not what fans want to see,” commissioner Gary Bettman expressed in a written statement from the NHL released Tuesday night. We will be looking into all options to make sure there are no more incidents of this kind happening as the season progresses.

When asked if part of the reason for such an incident may have been the league’s new policy requiring players to remove their helmets before fighting, Bettman was adamant the new policy was not the problem.

Sources close to the league say that former player Brendan Shanahan’s pleas to revoke the policy are falling on deaf ears, and that the league is more interested in investigating surfaces that would not be slippery like ice. Though neither the league or Bettman will confirm it, there are reports of the league watching hockey games in India and Pakistan where the game is played on grass as an alternative.


From → Leadership

  1. So…why don’t we just say “it’s Lacrosse now!” and have done with it?

    Honestly. This is one of the most ridiculous things I’ve ever heard of.

  2. Oh, lol I just read the first line! Blonde morning!

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